The Trouble With the R-word

Recently a west coast radio shock jock, who will remain nameless as he deserves no more notoriety than he already has,  took to Facebook to say an unkind and ignorant thing about Jamie Brewer, the actress with Down syndrome who recently walked in New York Fashion Week. Jamie Brewer has had to work twice as hard to get half as much respect as a radio personality whose humor is so low brow, he resorted to picking on an already marginalized group of people. If you look up ‘retard’ on Urban Dictionary the associated words are: stupid, idiot, dumb, moron, gay, tard, loser, fag, annoying, lame, douche, slow and fool. There are more but they are not appropriate for this particular entry. I can assure you that my daughter, Scarlet, is not retarded, stupid, annoying or lame. (Just as a side note: The top UD definition has done an excellent job of pointing out just why using the word ’retard’ is a stupid and ridiculous thing to do).

I cannot write this without acknowledging the fact there are some people who still use ‘retard’ to identify a characteristic about a person, without meaning anything hurtful. ‘Retard’ is no longer used clinically and is therefore, wrong. Scarlet isn’t ‘touched’ or ‘slow’ either. This kind of language isn’t right or Politically Correct and ’touched’ is just, well, weird. An example of appropriate language is ‘Cognitive or Developmental Delay’ or ‘Cognitive Impairment‘. ‘Intellectual disability’ gets thrown around too, but I’m not keen on it. We have very high hopes that Scarlet will be able to do all the things her peers do and we acknowledge it will be in her own time. Delayed, perhaps but there’s nothing she is not able to do.

Another important issue to note is that you will never hear Micha or I refer to Scarlet or any of her friends as ‘Downs babies’. She is not her diagnosis. She is a whole person with all of the same attributes as any other person. She thinks, she feels, both happy and sad, she relates to her peers and the world around her. Scarlet is easy-going and loves music and pizza. She is cute but that isn’t all there is to her. Scarlet is also very observant and a hard-worker. She is first and foremost, a person, our youngest daughter, who just happens to have Down syndrome.

I’ve heard Political Correctness called the ‘wussification of American‘. This disenfranchises and dismisses those who are facing real struggles with acceptance in this world. Those who are bullied and beaten for simply being who they are. When we use words like ‘tard’ and ‘gay’ or when we tell boys not to be such ‘girls’, what are we really saying? That no one should be special or different or, God forbid, female? That being those things is bad or annoying? Author Caitlin Moran calls Political Correctness the ‘formalization of politeness’.  I feel this is a much better definition. Formally and politely asking people not to be dillholes in an organized and official way is an effective way of squashing hate speech and encouraging people to be more kind. And for the record, there’s nothing ‘wussy’ about standing up for others. So Scarlet and I are formally and politely inviting you to pledge to Spread the Word to End the Word.