I don't care what Phil says and neither should you.

I saw a "friend's" post today that said something to the effect that if you don't agree with Phil Robertson of A&E's Duck Dynasty and you're celebrating Christmas then you're a big hypocrite. Now I have no idea what Phil said nor do I care. I don't watch the program and I'm not looking to a "reality" TV star for spiritual guidance or any other guidance for that matter. I don't need Phil or anyone else to tell me what I should or shouldn't feel about homosexuality, marriage, patriotism or guns. I have a perfectly functioning mind of my own and frankly, someone who makes part or all of their living trying to convince people that their "reality" show depicts their real lives is a liar and shouldn't be taken at face value. Still it's hard to not feel annoyed and a little hurt by attacks on my faith for simply not agreeing with a guy that few of us can claim to know personally. Maybe because this is not the first time being a Christian who also believes in marriage equality has put me in a position to have my faith questioned. I haven't made a fortune on duck calls and if A&E made a reality show about my life, it'd be called Snot and Poop, but here's my opinion for what it's worth. It comes from my real life experiences, not staged or scripted.

Once upon a time, I sold hearing aids. I happened to sell a set to an older gentleman I'll call Dave. Dave lived with another man, I'll call him Paul. Dave and Paul were the first gay men I'd ever met and only the second and third gay persons I'd ever met, the first being a friend from high school. I remembered when she came out, how painful it was. She lost friends and even her family abandoned her. After living a lie for years, she could be who she truly was but they couldn't love her as she truly was. Still, I wasn't sure how I felt about homosexuality. I still cared about my friend but wondered whether what she was doing was 'ok'? Biblicaly speaking I mean. Then I met Dave and Paul. They'd met later in life, sharing a similar taste in books and both living discrete lives. It was only by accident that I found out they were more than friends. I'd arrived at an appointment a little early and they were having a moment together. It was sweet and tender and endearing and definitely not a moment that two 'old friends' would have together. After an awkward few moments, Paul became particularly interested in sharing their story with me. Dave had been married, even had a son but the marriage ended years earlier. He'd lived a life of solitude until meeting Paul and they were grateful to have each other. I would make a point to stop in (even though Dave's hearing aids didn't need service) because they were such graceful hosts and seemed happy to have a visitor with whom they could be themselves. I kept in contact with them even after I quit my job to go to school. Then one day, I called and Paul told me the awful news that Dave had pasted. I drove to see him and he told me a story that breaks my heart still today.

Dave had a stroke. Paul took him to the emergency room and the doctors did their best but he was on life support. When the staff asked about next of kin, Paul did what he thought was the right thing and gave them the names of Dave's ex-wife and son. That was the last time he was allowed to see Dave alive. The son and the ex-wife arrived, along with a brother, all people who had turned their backs on Dave when they found out the true nature of his relationship with Paul. Dave did not have a living will but he and Paul had spoken about what to do if something like this ever happened. Paul insisted the hospital keep him on life support to see if his condition improved but the doctor's hands were tied. The ex-wife, brother and son wanted him taken off life support and for Paul not be allowed anywhere near Dave, themselves or the hospital. What they did not know was that even though Dave did not have a living will, he did have a legally binding will and trust that left his assets to a few charities, and his 'dear friend' Paul. He did leave something for his son, but it was not the fortune they expected when they told the doctors to pull the plug. As Paul sobbed his regrets at not being able to say goodbye,  I found myself weeping with him.

I know what Leviticus says but I also know that God put these experiences in my life for a reason. He opened my heart. I could've forgotten about my friend. I could've sold Dave hearing aids and gone on with my life but these people, their experiences, have made indelible impressions on my life. That cannot be mere chance. So yes, I was disgusted with Miley's performance. I may be Liberal but I'm also a feminist and a mother with good taste. And no, I will not change my profile pic to support Phil because the truth is, Phil will be fine without me and does not care about me. And yes, I'll celebrate Christmas and keep Christ in my heart, whom I need and who does care for me, not Phil.